Three things that I (Jessica) learned :
1. Be Quick to Hear, Slow to Speak
When you are aggravated at your spouse, it is easy to just respond with the first emotion you feel. I have learned that it's more productive to process my feelings and understand his perspective before reacting. Ladies, respond to your husband, don't react. You can't take words back, so be intentional with each one.
2. We Are on the Same Team
Stop treating your husband as if he's against you, he's not. Sometimes it's easy to respond to every mistake our husband makes as an act of war. We say things like; "you always" or "you never". And we treat every incident as if our spouse is the enemy. We must remember that our enemy is one that is unseen, not the man we wake up to each morning.
3. Embrace Each Other's Differences
When you're dating, you pretend that both of you have so much in common. We think that because we like the same movies, foods, and music that somehow he will love EVERYTHING that we love or do. You find out quickly that you are two different people, with different personalities, and different interests. Ladies, that is OKAY. We need to learn to love our husband's differences and embrace who he is, not try to change him. My father taught me the value of being frugal. Brandon did not grow up the same way. When we first got married, he left the water on while he shaved (which still drives me crazy) and I would fuss at him (to no avail). All of the little differences were speed bumps that over time I learned to embrace instead of curse. I am his wife, not his mother. Some ladies need to learn the difference. It's not our job to change our husbands, it's our job to stand by him, love him, and do life together. Even if it means a slight increase in the water bill ;)
Three things I (Brandon) learned:
1. No One Looks Out for My Family More Than Me
Early on in our marriage, when I was in student ministry, I said yes to every single opportunity to do ministry, go on trips, or take students to events. After three years of marriage, we had our first child. Things changed drastically for my wife, but I kept the same fast paced life style. By the time our second child was born three and a half years later, it brought a lot of tension to our marriage. I had to learn quickly that no one else is guarding our time more than me. People will cheer you all the way to your grave...or divorce. Be intentional with your family time, guard it, and keep your promises to your family.
2. Transparency is the Key to Growing Love
My experiences growing up forced me to be a closed book. I never liked opening up or talking about my "feelings" early on in our marriage. Jessica came from a tight knit family and was very open about how she felt and loved talking. I just wanted the discussions that led to head nods or grunts. Something I learned to discover over the years is the value of a transparent conversation. My wife knew barely anything about my past when we got married. Partially because of fear she would run faster than Forrest Gump in the opposite direction. I was also afraid to be vulnerable. But vulnerability is the very definition of love, isn't it? I mean, who was more vulnerable than Jesus? And if God IS love, then shouldn't our lives model such vulnerability? Over the years, as I've learned to spend quality time having real conversations with my wife, I grow more and more in love with her. Money, materialism, vacations, and jewelry might buy you a few memories but only transparency will buy you "till death do you part".
3. My Wife has a Calling and Purpose Too
Being in ministry, often times the wife gets left behind in our journey to "Kingdom Business". Most pastor's wives work in default areas of the church because that's just what they've always done. Many pastor's wives work in children's ministry, lead women's ministries, or just come to church and "suffer" through their husband's sermon. Now, some women may be called to those areas (except the suffering through the message part) but what I've learned is that most men never take into consideration that our wives have passions that God has instilled in them as well. Sadly, I didn't discover this until we went through church planting assessment in the fall of 2010. I saw my wife come alive as she discovered her passion for people and for starting a church that would reach out to those who were far from God. Now, I stand back and watch a confident leader as she greets people who come through the doors of GC and leads women's small groups. She is passionate and living her purpose. When our wives are in this journey WITH us instead of BECAUSE of us, our marriages become strong. It's my responsibility as the leader of my home to make sure my family gets closer to Jesus and discover their purpose, not just myself.
I hope that you are learning things along the way of your own marriage journey. Even if you're young and single, you can always learn from others as you prepare for your future. We have experience a blessed ten years filled with adventure and joy. Yes, we have had our share of struggles but I can honestly say we've never once thought of giving up or throwing in the towel. We barely stay mad longer than a day when we do get aggravated. My wife has taught me more about life and love than I could ever hope for in this life. I pray that YOUR marriage is built on the rock of Christ Jesus. Maybe you've been married longer. We would love to hear feedback in what you've learned! We love you church, we pray that our lives would inspire yours. We love you...heart and soul.
Pastor B
No comments:
Post a Comment